Frances Mildred Self's Story

My earliest memories of myself are sitting in a high chair on a long porch. There was a goat grazing in the yard. I must have been about one and a half years old, probably close to two. I asked Mama when I was older about it, and she said that yes, we did have a goat there where we lived then, and that we also had a house cat. She would set food out for the cat and I would get down and try to eat his food, and then try to put his tail in my mouth

Somehow certain things made a vivid impression on me. There in the little town there might have been a general store and maybe fifty people. An old black man (he seemed ancient to me), driving a team of mules, crying "Tamales, fresh hot tamales." I have never tasted any like them since. Piping hot - oh how good

My brother Floyd was born, I was just barely four. I didn't know what was going on exactly, but they sent us kids, four of us, to Grandma Aldridge's. When we came home there he was. I wondered where on earth did he come from, and thought they must have gotten him from somewhere, found him or something

I remember going to visit one of my grandmas. Mama said it must have been Grandma Aldredge. She said she didn't think I could have remembered Grandma Self. There was a long verandah with a well built right at the end. You drew the water up in a bucket, and everyone drank out of a gourd dipper. The water was so cold and clear. I loved to drink out of a gourd so long ago. I don't think there were many horses there. The men rode mostly on mules, or had a wagon with a team of mules. It cost more to have a nice buggy and good horse. We did have trains, passenger trains, and freight trains. Lots of freight trains. I loved to hear their lonely whistle in the night. We always liked to see them

The pine trees were so thick you could hardly walk between them. Grandpa and his family before him, bought up hundreds of acres. There was a small turpentine mill, and in Hornbeck (Louisiana), the turpentine barrels were so close together, us kids played on them, running and screaming like wild Indians. The freight cars would pick them up, and then they would start all over again

I can still hear Grandma Self, Papa's mother, yelling for her kids to come in. "Marie, Beulah, Harry - get up here!" Her house was right up the top of a little hill. My, she must have had a strong voice. She never corrected us kids; I guess that's one reason I loved her so much

She made the best pear preserves. She cooked them down like candy. Also, figs, watermelon rind - you don't find these wonderful things any more. Grandma Self wasn't even 5 feet. She was very short, very fair skinned with blue eyes. She didn't mind a house full of kids. Of course, she cooked on a wood stove. No screens. I don't remember fans. She went in a run between the stove and the table, singing: "We're Marching To Zion, Beautiful, Beautiful Zion.

She and Grandpa Self were very young when they married. She was sixteen I think, and he was eighteen. I saw a picture of them. They both wore bangs. They didn't attend church when they first married. Grandpa became a medical doctor. He was called Dr. C.C. Self. His name was Christopher Columbus. They later went to a revival and both were filled with the Spirit of God. He became a Pentecostal minister. He would still go to people's homes to doctor them, or if they wanted prayer, he would just pray for them. Grandma Self trusted the Lord for her healing for almost her entire life. When she was old, she became a diabetic, and said that "I just don't get my healing anymore." She died in a diabetic coma.The last time I went to see her, she said that someday I would come home and Grandma will have gone on to Glory. I never saw her again. She was so precious. I loved her so much.I first learned about the Lord from her and Grandpa

After I had married and moved to California, I sent off and got my social security in the name of Mildred Frances Self. I had never been called anything else. Jack and Eva told me they had gotten their birth certificates. Papa told them how, and helped them. The next time I was home I asked Papa and he told me I should be recorded there in Sabine Parish (Louisiana). That was how I found out that I was named Frances Mildred Self. Mama said she named me after her dad, Francis Green, spelled with and "i". I asked why I wasn't called Frances, and Papa said that he didn't like that name. Grandpa Green was never called anything but Dusty. He outlived three wives and died in Mama and Papa's house there on the little hill outside Hornbeck (Louisiana). She put a bed in the dining room so she could hear him at night. They took care of him until he died. He was ninety-four

When I went to try and get my birth certificate, they said I wasn't recorded. If I was, it had been destroyed in a fire the court house had. Since all my papers were as Mildred Frances, I left it that way. I never was able to obtain the original. So I sent off the name as Mildred Frances Self. Papa told me how to do this.

I wasn't four yet when they had a revival right close to Grandma's and Grandpa's, in a big tent. Or, it seemed big to me. I don't know who preached, or much of what was said. I remember sitting on the front bench with my Aunt Beulah. She was six. She had a speech impediment. She couldn't say "Glory". All she could say was "Glug." The next thing I remembered was a cloud filling the tent like a fine mist. She was on the dirt floor, and I got up to look at her. She was saying, "Glug, glug, glug," and I saw that mist around her mouth; she began speaking in tongues. I have seen that mist once since, but the memory never left me since that time. How great the Power of God is

When my brother Floyd was six weeks old, Grandpa Self (Dr. C.C. Self) talked Papa into moving to Sweetwater, Texas. He went ahead and hired a man to help Mama and us kids to come later. He had bought a 160 acre wheat farm. He also had a dairy herd, and a partially finished house. We stayed there for close to three years. (Editor's note: Both Aunt Eva and Uncle Jack say that they moved to Abilene, Texas, not Sweetwater. The town of Sweetwater is 35 mile west of Abilene)

I never will forget the time we bought a beautiful black horse, and a nice buggy. It even had a top on it. We lived about ten miles out of town. How excited we were when Papa would let us kids go to town to get what we needed. I never remember Mama going. I don't remember much about the town, only things were a lot different then. Everything was in big barrels, and we had our own milk and cream, and we churned our own butter, giving us that wonderful buttermilk. Mama made all our bread and we didn't buy store bought candy. In the evenings Mama would make the most wonderful taffy candy. I remember she would pull the taffy over and over. Us kids kept asking when it would be ready. She had so much patience. I've tried different times to make it, but I never seemed to have the touch Mama did. Something was always not right

The first winter came. We were snowed in. It was so cold; the house wasn't sealed. Us kids didn't mind. We huddled around the wood stove, and watched Mama make popcorn and popcorn balls. The only thing wrong was that it took so long. I love caramel corn until this day. I don't have the touch for that anymore either, but at one time I did, similar to Mama's. Somewhere along the way I lost the love for cooking, and when that goes, your touch also goes. Good cooks understand what I'm saying

We had our own dairy. I remember the big cans. I'm not sure what they were made of. The Separator separated the cream. I use to drink the pure cream with our hot biscuits, fluffy butter and syrup. I made a meal of it. Mama made our syrup. We called it sugar syrup. She cooked it down. I've long since forgotten her recipe, but her recipes were all in her head. Although, she could tell you what they were. I remember always loving Brer Rabbit syrup, so we must have bought that

Our first Christmas came. Papa put up a huge tree. Everything was done in the kitchen. It was so cold. I remember Mama popping corn and we helped her string the popcorn and put it all over the tree. I don't remember any lights, but I was so excited maybe I just didn't notice. We hung our stockings. I remember we got an orange, and some nuts, and candy cane. Most of all I received the one thing I've never forgotten, a China doll - tall, long China legs, with a pink dress and bonnet

How could Papa know what I wanted? He was so good to us kids. How he loved to get things for us. We were the joy of his life. He had such kind blue eyes. When he smiled, you saw it in his eyes. They just twinkled, and maybe he'd have a faint grin. But, his eyes you never forgot. He worked so hard. He never showed his love much, only his love in doing good things for us. I'm sure he must have held us when we were small, but I don't remember it. He showed his love in other ways. He was the same with Mama. He loved to give her nice things, and when he could, he did

Paul was born there. I'm almost sure he was named Harold Paul, but we always called him Paul. Floyd was two when Paul was born. I loved Paul so much. Mama let me rock him. I remember I got too close to the heater and burned his leg; it hurt me so much. I never forgot that

Mama's right middle finger became very swollen and red to the joint; they called it a bone fallen. She worked hard, helping in the dairy and, of course, she did all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. I'm not sure if we made any soap there, but I remember making it either there or down on the Rio Grande. I know you could buy it in big blocks at the store. It wasn't wrapped or anything. Later on, they did wrap it. I guess it was sent in like that. At first, someone brought in home made lye soup to sell in the store; they made a little money that way. But as the years went by, things changed, little by little

Mama's finger was badly infected. When it finally healed, only the finger nail and skin to the first joint was left. She still did most of her work; I'm not sure how. I'm sure it was sensitive all her life. All Mama told me was the bone was infected

Someone gave Papa a Collie of their litter of pups. She was so smart and beautiful. In the winter or summer months she played hide and seek with us kids. She always was included in our games. In the summer, the cows were sometimes put out to graze. She went after them and kept them out of the wheat so that they wouldn't damage the crop. How us kids loved her. She looked like a thoroughbred. She'll always be one to me

Only Edna and Jack went to school, not very often, but when they could. It was so cold in the winter. They had small one room school houses. One was close enough for them to walk. In the summer, we played either there at the house or in the creek bed, about one half mile from the house. It was a great place to play. Trees grew on each side. We put ropes in the trees and swung out over the creek. We'd see how high we could swing, or else just played in the trees, swinging by our knees, upside down. We had mesquite trees close to the house. They had long pods on them. They were sweet if you chewed on them. We called them mesquite beans

Mama had a real long clothes line between two trees. Edna, Jack and I were outside. I was playing. Jack and Edna were fighting about something. I never paid much attention to them. I surely didn't think they would throw anything. Jack picked up a big rock. I turned my back and was going behind a tree, still not paying attention. He hurled the rock as hard as he could, thinking to hit Edna. He hit me low on the back of my head. I had on coveralls and high topped shoes. Blood was squirting out, soaking my clothes and puddling my high topped shoes. Mama was ironing with an old flat iron and wood stove. You always kept one or more on the stove heating, while you ironed with another one. She knew that I could be dead before they could get Papa out of the field and get a doctor. She took a small pan of water and put the flat iron in it. She poured it directly on the open wound; it sealed it, and stopped the bleeding. Someone, probably Jack, had run after Papa. He came home and took me to the doctor. The doctor said Mama saved my life. There just wouldn't have been anyway they could have gotten me to him before I would have bled to death. I' m still not sure what all they did. There was a big hole. He put a large patch of skin over it. They called it cat skin. It is pure white, and nothing grows on it to this day. It's slick, cold and bare - almost the size of a half dollar. I was fine the next day, out in the yard eating mesquite beans.I rather enjoyed it

The wheat fields were beautiful. Can you imagine 160 acres of green fields waving in the breeze. Soon the heads of wheat began to ripen and the heads grew larger and heavier. When they were fully ripe, they began to bend over. The harvest began. I wish I could remember more, but I do remember the huge piles of chaff, and the tiny mounds of wheat. I loved to chew the tiny grains

Papa took an old wagon wheel and fixed it where it would go round and round on the ground for us kids.We would get on it and really go fast

We were prospering. The dairy did well. The wheat fields did well. Us kids loved it. I guess if we were older we would have shared in the work, but all we did mostly was play. There was a county club with a golf course just on the outside of our farm. A lot of the balls came over or under our fence. Us kids got a real lot of them. We used them like base balls

One day every one was gone. I'm sure not very far. I was on the back porch alone when our fourteen year old neighbor boy appeared. It seemed to me out of nowhere. He looked huge. He had a paper sack over his head with cut out round eyes and nose. It scared my so badly, I went into hysterics, screaming "Bloody murder." He took it off quickly, but I was still afraid of him. Mama and the kids heard me, and came running. It took me a long time to calm down, and I never did trust that boy after that

After we had been there about two and one-half years, Grandpa told Papa about a wonderful place down in the lower Rio Grande (River) of Texas.He had gone down there and bought a farm of 160 acres. He wanted Papa to go down and farm it for him. He painted a great picture for Papa. He had a great influence over Papa. He soon had Papa convinced when he told him about the mild winters they had there. We didn't have any trouble selling the farm. We had kept it up and were prospering

We sold out everything and bought our first car. Queenie, our collie, had just had her first litter of pups. We couldn't bear to leave her behind, so Papa agreed to tie her on the fender. There weren't any windows, only flaps over the doors. We had nice wide fenders so we felt Queenie would be fine. There were Edna, Jack, Eva and me in the back seat. Mama, Papa, Floyd and Paul, in Mama's lap, were in the front seat. We started out early. It was summer and the weather was great. We were going by way of Louisiana first to see everyone. Our uncle C.C. was going to go with us on down to the Rio Grande

We traveled fine for twenty miles and all of a sudden Papa couldn't control the steering wheel. The car was wobbling all over the road. It finally headed straight for a ditch, about twenty feet deep. It went in head first. Us kids in the back weren't hurt, but the ones in the front seat were bruised up. In the confusion, Queenie got loose. We were sure she went back to her puppies. It took some time to have the car fixed. After it was, Papa didn't want to go back. It still hurts today when I think about the hurt us kids felt about Queenie. We never ever heard from her again. All I remember about the car was they said the steering pin came loose

We went by Grandma's and Grandpa's. C.C. and Jack went on ahead in C.C.'s car. We arranged for some lumber to build us a house to be shipped to us after we went down there. We would live in a big floored tent until it was done. We would have an outside privy (toilet). You could do that then, even in town. On the way down, two men followed us all day. There wasn't a lot of crime, but we were scared. Papa slept that night with his pistol close by. Edna and Paul got sick on the way. Grandpa always relied on Pepto Bismuth. It didn't seem to help. We arrived save. It didn't take C. C. and Papa long to get up the tent. Paul and Edna were still sick. By then, they were really bad. They called it the bloody flux - blood was coming through. Paul died on July 3rd. We buried him on July 4th. C.C. lifted me up to kiss his cold, cold cheek. My dear sweet Paul was gone. Edna gradually got better. It took her a long time

Our house was soon built. We had about two acres perhaps one mile from the town of Donna. We bought a cow. I started school there. I was seven years old. We walked to school. It was so beautiful there in the (Rio Grande) Valley. Long, hot summer days, and mild winters unless a northern blew in. If it did, it came in with fine sleet and a cold, cold wind out of the north. It lasted three days. They didn't come often

There was a great boom in Donna, Texas. Papa started making a lot of money. He was not only a carpenter, but could make and read blue prints. We sold our nice house, already paid for, and built a nicer place only two blocks from the school. We went into debt. Papa wasn't worried; he was making so much money. We had about three-quarters of an acre in a choice location. We built a three bedroom, three bathroom, stucco house. We owned seven cars at one time. We planted a beautiful, rose garden

Papa bought Mama a diamond ring. On Saturday night, Papa would slip off and buy all kind of goodies for us kids – fruits and candies. He made his own home brew (beer) out in the garage. Us kids used to go out into the garage and drink it out of the kegs. I'm not Donnie was born. That's what we always called our brother born when Paul would have been four. He was a joy to all of us

We had an electric stove. Us kids were afraid of getting electrocuted. I had gotten a shock off it. Also the electric perm machine came in. Everyone got one it seemed, grown ups, that is. Mama got her hair cut. Papa was very upset. He wouldn't talk for three days. I guess she liked it; she never had long hair again

It was nice to be close to school. On Saturdays, us kids would go down and play on the swings and fire escapes. Sometimes I came down so fast, I knocked the breath out of myself

The days went happily by. We were happy there. We didn't have any real problems. Our outings were fish fries on Saturday nights on the river, and picnics on Sundays. How simple and uncomplicated everything was then. I made good grades in school. Pete was born. I'm not sure why we called him Pete. His first name was Gerald. He was built small. He didn't weigh even five pounds. It seemed strange; all the rest of us weighed from ten to twelve pounds at birth. He was so small all of us were afraid to play with him

Times were gradually tightening down financially. It was getting harder for us to pay the bank on our house and meet our other bills. It wasn't long until we could not do it anymore. The bank took over our house. We had to move. We moved out into the country. The rent was cheaper there. We moved from one place to another. One winter we had a heater to stay warm. There must have been a northern. The heater was burning really hot. Donnie was about four years old. We had a small Poodle, a puppy. Donnie picked him up and threw him in the heater. We couldn't do anything

We caught the bus to school. Depending on where we lived, most of the time the bus routes were fairly close. Sometimes they were a long way off

Papa started drinking. Sometimes on Friday evening, he would be so drunk he would be barely creeping along, with his head hanging out the car door to get air to keep awake. Most of the time, he would come home and lay down on the porch and go to sleep

Everything wasn't all bad. We had it rough financially, but we had fun playing, the way we couldn't have done had we lived in town. Jack taught me to catch a baseball. He would throw it as hard as he could. It helped my playing in school. I played second short stop. I got really good. I also ran track and played volleyball

We lived at one time about one-half mile from the Rio Grande (river). At times the river would be almost dry. You could walk right over into Mexico. Lots of Mexicans came across when the river was low. The Rangers hunted them on horseback. They called the Mexicans "Wet Backs." They didn't seem to hunt them very hard. In town, when we first moved to Donna, they had their own side of town. They called it East Donna. We didn't go there until after I was grown, just to look around

At nights, the coyotes came right into our yard. I loved the way they looked; I thought they were beautiful. I didn't like the lonely sound they made when they howled at night

We had a hurricane. The wind was very high. It blew all our chickens away; we never did find them. The water got so high we knew we had to move out. They hadn't built the levy yet, so the river over ran our farm, and many miles around. We moved out in a wagon and horses. We moved back into town to the house we had built when we first moved to the Valley from Louisiana

We stayed there for a long time. I started and finished school there. We had about two miles to walk to school. We used to walk home for lunch. We would sit around and talk after supper. I doubt whether all the things they spoke of were true. They told some very tall tales

One Saturday night in the hot summer we sat outside, ate watermelons and talked until fairly late. The back door wasn't locked. Later, about 1:00 or 2:00 am, two men came in. When Papa woke up, one was on his side of the bed and one on Mama's. They were trying to put something over Papa's head. Whatever it was left burns on Papa's face. He fought him off, and they both ran out the front door. Papa didn't get to pay the men that worked for him their wages. He had the money in the house. He always said he knew who they were, but he never would tell us

For a while after we moved down on the Rio Grande, our uncle C.C. stayed with us; also Homer stayed with us. But Homer didn't stay long. He soon went on back home.C.C. stayed for probably a year. He walked in his sleep at night. One night he dived out a window. What a miracle. He wasn't hurt seriously

Times were really hard. Mama made our school dresses out of flour sacks. They made them with a printed pattern. Sometimes you had to save them until you could get enough to match. We bought big sacks of flour. We had two dresses. We wore one for two days, then the other one for two days, then we wore the first one for the last day. We never had a coat. Our socks weren't anything but holes mostly. After we were in high school, it was really embarrassing to be poor. Almost all the other kids were poor also. There were a few who's parents were business people, so they did better

We were wired for electricity, but it wasn't turned on. We used kerosene lamps. There was an indoor toilet, but we kept it stopped up all the time, because we didn't have money to buy toilet paper. The Depression lasted a long time. It wasn't over as soon as people thought it was

Edna dropped out of school in about the ninth grade, and went to work in other people's homes, for room, board and a little spending money. She worked mostly in McAllen, a town about twenty-five miles from Donna. She came home when she could get some one to bring her, not too often. By working out, she always had nice clothes. Jack worked after school and on Saturdays at a feed store. He could speak Mexican like a Native, and a lot of the feed store's business was with Mexicans. This helped him out a lot. I think he quit school when he was a junior

I can't remember how old I was when I decided I should be able to fly. I took a huge jump off the front porch. What A crash

Today is September 9th, 1998. Mickey and Bobby are coming over at 11:00 a.m. We are going to the Lake Of The Woods to have pie

It's below normal today, only got to be 75 degrees. But, it is going up again by Saturday and Sunday to 90 degrees. Took my blood pressure today. The best I could get was 158 over 98. Pulse was 84. That's good though. It was that yesterday at Fred Myers, so I must be taking it okay. As I look back over the pages, it's been five months since I started this